From Pressure to Passion with Stacy McAlpine
Stacy McAlpine, founder and CEO of Journey Fuel, unfolds her transformative journey from a performance-driven upbringing, dominated by societal expectations and parental pressures, to breaking free from a toxic marriage. The narrative delves into the stifling suppression of her artistic passions and the subsequent battle with self-doubt. Post-toxic relationship, Stacy shares her odyssey towards authenticity, emphasizing self-trust and fostering a positive mindset. The discussion extends to the profound impact of emotional abuse and the empowering role of awareness in overcoming challenges. Rooted in her consulting background, Stacy introduces Journey Fuel, addressing the implementation gap in personal development. The approach centers on life as a collection of feelings, encouraging focus on desired emotions for a more fulfilling existence.
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Stacy recounts her performance-focused upbringing, shaped by societal expectations of success and parental pressure for financial achievement, suppressing her artistic side.
Opening up about a toxic marriage, Stacy delves into the impact of a narcissistic partner and societal expectations surrounding divorce, especially its effects on children.
Her journey towards authenticity follows her escape from a toxic relationship.
The podcast explores the profound impact of emotional abuse, highlighting the weaponization of seemingly insignificant events.
Stacy's post-toxic-relationship evolution involves building self-trust and adopting a positive mindset.
The conversation with Tessa underscores the transformative power of awareness in overcoming challenges and achieving internal empowerment.
Journey Fuel's approach advocates focusing on desired emotions for a richer life, bridging the gap between theory and practical implementation.
About Stacy McAlpine
Stacy McAlpine, founder and CEO of Journey Fuel, is a seasoned life transformation specialist with over two decades of experience. With a background in strategic advising and project/change management consulting at renowned firms like PricewaterhouseCoopers and Ernst & Young, Stacy harnessed her consulting insights to create transformative tools. Now, she empowers individuals with code-cracking methods, helping millions unlock their true potential and live lives they genuinely love waking up to.
Connect with Stacy
Instagram: @YourJourneyFuel
YouTube: @YourJourneyFuel
Email Stacy at Connect[at]journeyfuel.com
Stacy’s Free Gift: Receive Stacy’s Free Gift here: JourneyFuel.com
* About the Host *
Tessa Lynne Alburn believes that every woman has the ability to learn to express their true voice, be heard, and fulfill their dreams.
As a Feminine Energy Coach and Soul Connection Mentor for women, Tessa supports you in having the freedom you crave and strong connections with others, as you live powerfully with joy and a sense of adventure.
Tessa’s Free Gift: If you want to be freer, happier and more courageous in life, get your free Soulful Roadmap and Say YES to Your Soul!
http://www.tessafreegift.com/
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May You Say YES to Your Soul.
Transcript
Stacy:
Thank you. I am very honored to be on this side of the microphone with you, so I'm very excited about it. Thank you.
Tessa:
You're so welcome. So, I know a lot about your story, a lot about, you know, we've known each other for a while, a number of years now, and we were chatting a little bit earlier today, you wanna share some of your personal journey around like all the, basically you were just being shut down, getting a lot of "nos" and that created a, you know, a lack of confidence in yourself and you have just turned that out in its head. So I would love for you to be able to share what some of it, some of what you went through and then how you got where you are today.
Stacy:
Absolutely. And it's so interesting because it feels like life can move so slowly, but then you look back and you're thinking, wow, that <laugh> that went really fast, but it did not feel fast while I was in those moments. <laugh>
Tessa:
<laugh>. Exactly.
Stacy:
Which I always think it's so fascinating 'cause we think it's moving fast when we think backwards, but when we're in places that are really hard, it just feels like, like mud, you know? And is there ever gonna be an end to this? And I was in a place where, you know, I was an only child and I grew up as like the center stage of my parents' lives. Like they, it was all about me all the time, which some people could like that, but it's a lot of pressure. It's a lot of people pleasing and they only have one shot at getting it right. So, you know, it's making sure that I do everything that I'm supposed to be doing all the time.
Tessa:
So there was a lot of pressure for you. It sounds like a lot of performance stuff, like somehow, you know, being able to be successful like immediately in your life.
Stacy:
Yeah. And it was all about, you know, doing what you're supposed to do to achieve the things that are supposed to make you successful in life. Like, my dad was always convinced I needed to be in a managerial role. That's where all the money is, that's where all the power is. You don't wanna have to work for anybody else because then they'll tell you what to do and you don't make as much money. And so unless it aligned with that, it just was not something that was considered serious.
Tessa:
Hmm.
Stacy:
And, it was always, it's really interesting 'cause since then I've had lots of coaches, lots of therapy, <laugh>, but most impactfully a lot of really good coaching around how to be an awareness of certain things. Like it's one thing to kind of deal with what you're in, but there's like a higher level of awareness of and of where you are within all of that. When you're in it, it just feels like you're dealing with what's around you. And it wasn't until I got more, until kind of like a level of looking down on my life externally and trying to think about like, where am I in this, you know, who am I really? And that's when I had to kind of take a step back because when I'm in it, I didn't, I don't know what the hell I was. I don't know. I just do the things that I'm supposed to do or I get in trouble and I'm always in the center stage when I was a kid, you know, if I made one wrong move, it was like glaring <laugh>. It's not like you could hids behind something else.
Tessa:
Right. You weren't like in the chorus or the background. You were right there on front and center stage and everything was being picked apart.
Stacy:
Right. And so one wrong move and it was just super like, in like away every, everything would be revealed. You know? There was no just like quiet mistakes. And so, you know, when I was in that, in my childhood and growing up through that into college, you know, my state of being wasn't, it's not like I was thinking about my soul or <laugh>, you know, thinking about how am I being authentic? Like at that stage in my life, that really wasn't it. It was more just making sure that I was on track to be successful. Like you said, like performance focused.
Tessa:
Yes.
Stacy:
I gotta get perfect grades. I've gotta get into the best school. I've gotta graduate with the, you know, the best degree so that I can get the best job so I can have my BMW paid in full by the time I was 35.
Tessa:
Oh my goodness. Wow.
Stacy:
Yeah. That was what I decided was my signature. You know, my proof of success was if I could pay for A BMW in cash by the time I was 35, that was what I was looking at. That was it.
Tessa:
And then you would be free of what? Like what was, what was the worst thing about being on center stage?
Stacy:
Well, I was just told that's what success is, you know? And it was all about performance.
Tessa:
So you, you had every belief, all your beliefs were that as soon as you could do that, you will have achieved everything you ever needed to do.
Stacy:
Yeah. That, that's what success in life is. It wasn't about finding your true talent, it wasn't about finding your gift inside. It wasn't about, you know, really discovering yourself. It wasn't about that at all. And anytime I tried to do things like that, 'cause I'm an artistic person, I like to draw. I was an only child so I had nothing much else to do but <laugh> draw or be the teacher and the student at the same time, you know, and play. So I did a lot of things that you could do by yourself. And I loved to draw, I loved to, like recreate things by looking at them. And what was really interesting is I never would think of myself still to this day kind of feel like, well I'm not an artist because I can look at something and draw it. I can't draw, I don't draw out of my mind. Like I don't draw from scratch, so I must not be an artist. It was kind of that black and white.
Tessa:
Right? It's a minimizing of your skills.
Stacy:
Yeah. And if it's not this, it's nothing. You know, if you're not doing this then you're nothing. If you don't do this, you're not successful. And what was interesting is when I was applying to college, I only applied to three schools, which I really am ashamed that I can say out loud that I <laugh>. I applied to Stanford <laugh> and went to Cal. It's sort of like the worst thing you could do as a Cal person is to admit that you actually applied to Stanford <laugh>. It's like a very big rivalry. But anyway, I really wanted to go to Stanford. I really just wanted to go to Stanford and UCLA and that was it. I really liked college football and they needed to have a good team and it needed to be a renowned school. That was what I wanted to do. And when I went to my teacher at the time to get arecommendation letter to Stanford, he was the one that said, I'll only write you a letter if you also apply to Cal. 'cause I was like, I don't know about Berkeley, but he was the one that opened that up to me. But my parents called it like "berserkly", you know? It's like not, it's not part of the standard thing. So it's kind of interesting that I ended up at Berkeley of all places. 'cause that would never been apparent then.
Tessa:
But in my mind, knowing you, Berkeley is like the perfect place for you.
Stacy:
No, it makes perfect sense, right?
Tessa:
Yes. Like you're such a free thinker.
Stacy:
But I never would've applied to there. Like, and I can say that with confidence, I would not have applied then.
Tessa:
Thank goodness for that professor.
Stacy:
Right? It's from my high school teacher who I'm still in touch with. We still go to Cal games. But what happened was when I applied, I had a 412. This was, you know, a zillion years ago when there weren't very many AP tests. I had straight A's since seventh grade. You know, it was all about getting into college and I didn't get into any of them. I didn't get into Cal, I didn't get into Stanford, and I didn't get into UCLA and I was like, oh my gosh, <laugh>, I don't know what to do with myself. Like, I literally was shut down. Like I didn't, that's all I was supposed to do. I was supposed to do that. I was supposed to get into a good school and I was supposed to be, you know, successful. And this the person that my parents would brag about to everyone, which I hated. And I didn't know what the hell to do with myself. It's like, oh my God, now what? I mean, I can't go to junior college or something, which no offense to anybody who does that, actually my oldest daughter is doing that. And it's like a really smart move, frankly. But in my mind, that wasn't what I was supposed to do. I was supposed to go to a four year, I was supposed to do the right, right. All
Tessa:
So what happened?
Stacy:
Stanford wouldn't allow an appeal. UCLA and Berkeley, I ended up appealing and I had taken a risk on my essay. Like, and when I read my essay, I was like, what a stupid thing to say. I tried to be honest.
Tessa:
So, so you're like taking all the performance criticism and applying it to yourself? Yeah.
Stacy:
Yeah. Like I was like, let me try something other than what they're asking for, which, okay, that did not work. But, so I rewrote the essay. I said, would you please consider this essay? I put my heart and soul into it. Like, I took other people's advice when I wrote my first one. So this is kind of interesting 'cause this is the first time I'm really realizing that this was the first time. Like I just went in my own head and just did it my way. It's fascinating. Never thought about that. Hmm. But, um, they accepted me. Berkeley was the only school that accepted me. And UCLA denied my appeal and Berkeley gave me deferred admission. It was probably one of the most rewarding experiences of my life. When people say, what's that moment in your life where you really felt like you nailed it?
Stacy:
The reason I'm even talking about this, I know I don't, probably wasn't intending to go back to when I was at this age, but this was such a moment of like what I call an Olympic moment. And those are my favorite, where you put every ounce of yourself into it, you know, I was like, hail Mary, this is it. You know, I had already gotten denied <laugh>. This was the only thing I was supposed to do. Like the one thing that I even knew what was my next step. And I got denied from them all. And I'm, and I just had to go all in and I got in.
Tessa:
You did
Stacy:
And it was amazing. It was amazing.
Tessa:
Well, you know, my perspective might even say that at that time, that was your spirit or your soul calling you forward to be out of the box, right? So you really went out of the box, you put your, you risked things, you didn't care. I mean, you were used to taking criticism as horrible as it was, but you were like, no, I know I have to do this. And some, sometimes that's how the soul speaks to us.
Stacy:
I had nothing to lose at that point.
Tessa:
Exactly.
Stacy:
And it's interesting because, you know, my relationship with you, I mean, I met you a few years back now, um, which that was such a pivot point in my life. I mean, I was, I was in a good place. I had come a long way, but, I was at a new place where I had gotten out of a toxic relationship marriage.And I was on the east coast for a long time. I finally got back to California. I got out this awful relationship and I was at a place where I was gonna start to meet new people and I was terrified that I was gonna pick the same kind of person.
Tessa:
Okay. So wait a Yeah, we're talking about your lover life. Like yeah. You were gonna start dating and Yeah. You were in that, ah, what do I do now? I've never, I I haven't done that in so long. Yeah, okay.
Stacy:
And I did not trust myself that I wasn't gonna pick another person like that, you know? 'cause there doesn't seem to be a tie between these two things. But where I'm going with it is there is, we just don't know what that tie is. It just took me that long from that moment of where I had that Olympic moment to, you know, getting out of that relationship would probably be my second most amazing Olympic moment. 'cause it took everything in my power to get out of that relationship.
Tessa:
Yes. And so go ahead and just give a little bit of a brief summary of why that was so hard to get out of the nature of that relationship.
Stacy:
Yeah. Fast forward with that performance mindset as you mentioned. You know, there was a right way to do things is black and white. And I was married and I had kids and you're not supposed to get divorced 'cause then you're gonna ruin your children. That's just how it is. You know, I'm, that's not really how it is, but this is how my mind is, right?
Tessa:
Mm-Hmm. <affirmative>. Mm-Hmm <affirmative>.
Stacy:
There's only one outcome if you do the wrong thing and that's, you're gonna screw everything up and everything's gonna be horrible or it's gonna be amazing. It's one or the other. And, when I met my used to be husband, I was 22, which we're a red flag right there. Nobody knows that. <laugh>, I tell my girls, I'm like, please wait till you're at least 30 to marry anyone. But, 22 met somebody that knew how to woo. And, he was a narcissist just like my dad, where, which I didn't even know what that word was. But that just means they're really good at preying on people who don't have confidence in themselves, <laugh> and can twist their brains into believing whatever they say.
Tessa:
Whatever their agenda is, that sort of thing.
Stacy:
Whatever their agenda is. And so, you know, everything's great until I don't do what I'm supposed to do. That's how my narcissistic relationships were like with my dad. Everything's fantastic unless you don't do what he says. And then it's like, let's just say you just wanted to always do the right thing.
And then there's with my ex-husband, it was he would just make you feel so small. And if I ever made a mistake, he had this way where he wouldn't call me an idiot. He would say, what kind of a moron would do something like that? So he wouldn't be calling me names according to, you know, if you think about direct, oh, well he doesn't call me names. Well, he was, he just was doing it in this, they
Tessa:
Were all insinuated. Strongly. Yes.
Stacy:
Yes. And, you know, that happened more than once. One time I, to this day, it's still in my brain 'cause he never let it die. And this was like from when I was 22, even before we even got married, we were at Taco Bell and I said, did I just order a taco or a burrito? And I swear to you, fast forward 15 years, well maybe I, we weren't together that long. We were together 11 years, but two years before that of being in dating. But he would say, when we were in arguments, I said, well, you said this. And he would say, you don't even know if you ordered a taco or a burrito. You don't know what the hell you're talking about.
Tessa:
Oh, so he would use that...
Stacy:
Yes.
Tessa:
For 11 more years. Yeah.
Stacy:
Yes. So that basically denied me of any sort of credibility because I couldn't remember when I was 23 if I ordered a taco or burrito. So,
Tessa:
Oh my goodness.
Stacy:
It was like any mistake I made was, oh no, that's gonna be used against me for the rest of my life. Literally.
Tessa:
Yes. Yes.
Stacy:
And that's just one example. I mean, I could go on.
Tessa:
That's a lot of stress to live under.
Stacy:
It is, and I did a lot more than just not know what I'm ordering. I mean, life is not a perfect thing.
Tessa:
No. But what this had to have a profound impact on your psyche and how you felt about yourself and the options for you.
Stacy:
Making mistakes was terrifying. Because I thought that would mean that they would leave. Like my dad, if he got pissed, he'd get in the car and, and drive away. And my mom and I would be crying in the garage hoping he'd come back. And he always did. But that's, you know, if you don't do everything right, I leave. With my ex-husband it was, if you don't do everything right, you're a complete moron. Right. And then I'm at risk of having this awful relationship. And there was a point at which he did say at some point, you know, if you don't start doing this, then what? Why are we even married? You know?
Tessa:
So the threat was always there. It was implicit until it was explicit.
Stacy:
Yeah. So it always felt like I was one move away, one wrong thing away from getting destroyed. And at work was the same thing. It's, it's very interesting because a guy that, this guy who was my boss for three different companies, I followed him everywhere. Just loved working with him. And I remember he would, if he had call or text or something, I'd say, oh God, am I fired? He goes, oh my God, every time I reach out to you, you're like, you're convinced you're gonna get fired. Why do you do that? And he loved me. Like we worked together really well. I always did really good work. But the second I would have somebody like reach out to me, I thought, oh God, I must have done something wrong.
Tessa:
Yeah. You were really in that black and white world and you perceived other people, especially the men in your life, having the control.
Stacy:
Well, and it got worse 'cause it really wasn't just men. Then I was in a very competitive environment at work while I was still married. So once I found that whole relationship, how the floor fall out, well I found out that I can't say it out loud 'cause my kids are here, but he did not follow vows, let's put it that way I found out. And I just like imploded. Like I, I was just took the wind outta me. Hmm. And then a few months later while I was recovering for that, my boss, woman boss at the time was noticing that I was affecting me. And she's like, why don't you take some time off? And then while I was gone, she destroyed my team. Like she took my team.
Tessa:
Yeah. She completely undermined you. She betrayed you. She used it as a power move for herself.
Stacy:
Yeah she took the opportunity. So the one time I'm weak, right? The one time that I take time for myself to try and heal, it was destroyed my seven year career. Literally. She would go, she went to my clients at is Stacy adding value? She went to my team, is Stacy adding value And started putting all these doubts. And it was, it's amazing. So it was just reinforcing that, oh my gosh. Like I can't do anything without, with any faith that, you know, I didn't have any faith in my own choices. I didn't feel like I was making good choices.
Tessa:
Ah, yes.
Stacy:
And so fast forward, like I was talking about when I met you and the coaching that I did with you and Marni and other, during that program, the biggest thing is I always <laugh> after I got a divorce, I told everyone around me, people that I trusted, I said, you are on my board of directors for the next time I ever date anyone so that you can tell me if I'm gonna make a mistake. Because I didn't trust myself. <laugh> <laugh>. So I like had a collection of personalities that knew who I was that I could introduce this person to, to tell me if that person was good for me or not. 'cause I just didn't have it. I didn't have that confidence in myself.
Tessa:
You had never been given the opportunity to, or encouraged to develop self-trust or self-worth. You were completely programmed to rely do exactly what you were told.
Stacy:
Oh yeah. I was just convinced that if I didn't do it right, it was gonna implode. And so with all of that, what shifted all of that? Um, I mean, I was to get out of my toxic relationship. Mm-Hmm. <affirmative>, that would be a whole nother podcast to get too deep into<laugh>. There's so many podcasts in my life. Let me just put it that way. But the one I would really like to dial in on for your audience today would be, you know, that whole Olympic moment of going all in on yourself. Yeah. Going all in on, you know, I cry at the Olympics if I watch the Olympics. 'cause I think, oh my gosh, they've put every single cell of their life into that. Like, they're so talented and they just like put everything, you know, it's like the Mary Lou Rutten moment where she just was all in. There was nothing left on the table. And so when you can go all in on yourself and make it out the other side, that's when the shift happens.
Stacy:
Because you can see, you know what, when you go all in on you, you're gonna come out on the other side there. You, because you're building a new muscle. You're building more knowledge about yourself. You're getting more connected with, well why, why do I want it so much? Because what I do with journey fuel is it's all about how do you make change happen? And it starts with awareness, but then the next piece is desire. And in order to get past the desire into action and actually doing things, it has to be so strong that there's like a point of no return. So you have to really believe in it, have certainty. So when you can have enough certainty, and you know what this is, has gotta change. This is not how I'm supposed to be living my life. I deserve better life is I don't want more life like this. There's gotta be something else. I'm going all in. And there is something else. You know, just when you're in it until I could break free enough to know, oh my gosh, <laugh> so much more out there. <laugh>.
Tessa:
Yes.
Stacy:
That's my LA coming out. But there's so much more. And, but when you're in this, I don't know if it's cocoon or whatever you wanna call it,
Tessa:
It's more like a cloud. Yeah?
Stacy:
I had no idea. No idea. It's like Wanda's world. I don't know if you saw that. It's like,
Tessa:
No,
Stacy:
You're in this fake, in this environment where you don't know that there's other things beyond that until you're outside of it.
Tessa:
Oh, okay. Sort of like Truman. Yeah.
Stacy:
It's like, oh, that's cool. I can make mistakes out there and no one's gonna yell at me.
Tessa:
What Yeah. What that must have been, you know, just completely surprising the first few times that happened. Do you remember those?
Stacy:
It's so, it's funny 'cause now I think, oh, it's kind of fun. <laugh>.
Tessa:
That's right. I mean, you've completely redefined yourself now.
Stacy:
Oh my gosh, yeah.
Tessa:
But back then, like, you know, what happened the first few times? Do you happen to remember?
Stacy:
Well, first of all, I had you and Marni and the group of people that, I believe in the universe and the universe has lined up all the right times for the right things. And I a hundred percent believe everything that I've gone through was I actually wouldn't change it. I really wouldn't because I don't, I know that all of that has made me who I am and I don't wanna be different, which is very different from where I was 15 years ago. Like, I didn't want my kids to be like, now I'm like, this is fun. I like trying new things <laugh>, I like figuring this out. But what happened was, well took other people to give me an awareness and, but people that I really trusted that like, you have this way of ask one question and anybody who's ever worked with you or have been a listener, and you get that one question, you're like, oh, oh my gosh, I never thought of it that way. It's like those paradigm shift moments where it just opens up a new part of your soul that you didn't know was there. And there's like an answer that's there that you just had a, you just ask this one question and like a light pops through, you know, or something. I don't know how to describe it. It's just amazing.
Tessa:
Oh yes. Well, you're touching my heart right now. You sharing this.
Stacy:
Oh my gosh. I mean, to anyone out there who has any ability to have any connection to you, I'm telling you my life and I mean, I believe in the universe and that there is no such thing as if I didn't have this, nothing would happen. Right. But for you, I think you were always supposed to be in my world because you've just made such a drastic impact on my ability to be able to see myself and to be able to have confidence in myself and to be able to have like faith in knowing that the answers are there. It's just a matter of learning how to connect with myself. And like, but you guys would call it a love shield, you know, like putting the love shield up. Nope. I'm not going there. I'm not going there.
Tessa:
Take that down, <laugh>.
Stacy:
Yeah. And you know what's interesting, another one of those moments. There was this moment and I know exactly where I was and I was dating and I had to help you guys helping me and, you know, learning how to trust myself, learning what I was comfortable with, what I wasn't comfortable with. And, I didn't wanna, and we're not, you know, I didn't wanna be the one that just likes everything to be the cool girl. You know, that was one of the coaching things that you guys taught us, is don't just try to be the cool girl. ike be yourself. And if they're not your person, they're not your person. It's not that there's anything wrong with you, they're just not your person. And that was a big one for me.
Tessa:
Mm-Hmm. <affirmative>.
Stacy:
That was a big one. But what was the big shift was like, okay, well what if I'm just myself <laugh> and showed up how I would like to experience my life. You know, if I was in a relationship with a man, I would wanna be able to express myself and know that if I didn't remember if I ordered a taco or burrito, that that would be okay. It would be, it wouldn't destroy me. Like I would just be able to say that with no fear, you know, that I could just say things and know it wasn't gonna come back to haunt me. And if it did, you know, fuck him. That's kind of how I felt <laugh>. It was kind of finally like, you know what, I'm gonna be this. And if that's not gonna work for that person, you're just not my person. Doesn't mean they're a horrible person. They're on their own journey.
Tessa:
So you had all kinds of new teachings and all that, but the key element here was you're releasing the fear of repercussions.
Stacy:
Yes. Because I was shedding the people that would do that to me.
Tessa:
Yes.
Stacy:
'Cause when they're in your life and you're in it, you know, I think I mentioned this to you once and I still challenge myself to really believe that it's just as bad. But this woman, you know, you talk to, I talk to my hairstylist and my waxing lady, they know more about my life than anyone. Maybe you're like the only other person that knows the deep, dark secrets. It's like when you get your nails done, all of a sudden they know your whole life <laugh> in a half an hour.
Tessa:
Yes.
Stacy:
And so, but anyway, so I was talking to her and something came up and she goes, I said something like emotional abuse or something. Someone taught me that word. And she goes, I said, but that's not the same as like you, because she had revealed to me that she had been physically abused.
Tessa:
Oh yeah, yeah. So, oh no emotional abuse. That doesn't mean anything, that's not that important, et cetera like that. Yeah.
Stacy:
Right? I'm like, that's not the same. And like she stopped <laugh>, she stopped waxing mid wax, looked at me and was like, don't ever say that to yourself ever again, because that's 100% not true. It's just as bad if not worse than physical abuse in the sense that it's destroying your confidence in yourself self. You know?
Tessa:
Yes.
Stacy:
And like it's, it's affecting, it does affect you.
Tessa:
Oh, absolutely. Yeah.
Stacy:
Yeah. And so I think that's something for your listeners, you know, I still think, gosh, you know, if somebody was beating me then that just seems worse.
Tessa:
It seems worse. It, but it would be easier to know what's happening. And this is actually something that's true that psychologists have recognized, which is that the things that are not as concrete or discreet, like a specific incident versus say like long term, something happening over and over and over. Those things that are not concrete or they're long term are much harder to unravel out of our brains and to create new neural pathways. But I'm just so proud of you and the work that you've done because you have done it. And not only that, like you've turned, you, you, you are the mother that you wanna be, you're the role model that you wanna be. And it's been amazing to watch your journey and to see your girls growing up and to hear about the, the successes that they're having in their own personal lives because of who they are and your good parenting choices and, you know, there's just so much. And now you're, you know, you're a business owner and you've got like this incredible system that's helping people. I'd love for you to just to share a touch of that with our listeners today. And I know you've got some guidance, so can, is there a way for you to tie that together and share? I know you, I you, you've just got some great stuff, so I'd love for you to be able to do that.
Stacy:
You know, this is the Tessa moment, the Tessa aha moment that I just had with you, where I just wanna state this because it does align perfectly of course 'cause somehow you just have this way, it's magic. But when you said it's harder to know that you're in the abusive situation, is that really hit a heart string to me. Like that really is very profound. And it's interesting. I used to work with military health, was one of my clients. And, one of the things we worked on was standing up the Defense Center of Excellence for Psychological Health and traumatic brain injury, which is a mouthful, but, um, <laugh>. And it was all about the invisible wounds of war because you know, when somebody's arm gets blown off, and I worked at Walter Reed, they focused on amputees. So I would see people, you know, in the waiting room with like one arm can, you may even imagine.
Stacy:
And also there are so many invisible wounds of war where people didn't have their limbs blown off, are just so messed up in their heads. Like so tortured from injuries of just emotional trauma and other, you know, traumatic brain injuries that are not detectable. So I just wanna tie that in because it's such like, wow, you like really blew my mind. Of course you did. It's awareness and that's what I do with journey fuel. It's so important to get that awareness because that's when like that little light kind of turns on, you know? Yeah. It doesn't have to be a light.You know, here's something, I was in a place where I really felt like there was no light at the end of the tunnel. I just couldn't see it. It was just pitch black. And what I learned over time was that light was not at the end of the tunnel.
Stacy:
That light was when like my shell started to crack and my own light can come through. And that honestly is where the light comes from. It's not at the end of the tunnel. It's not from someone else. It's not from something coming toward you. It's something coming from inside you. And sometimes you just need that little crack. Somebody that can help you see enough. You know, like listening to your podcast is such a wonderful gift to everyone who's listening. You know, that light will happen if you listen to Tessa telling you something is gonna crack be in a very positive way. And that just changes everything because you start to see all this stuff that you didn't even know was there. Like it's illuminating this path in your next step that you had no freaking clue that it was there. Like I played this video game once and I could not get past this level, which I'm so not a video game person, but that's like another story <laugh>.
Stacy:
But, but there was this one where you had to walk out on the water for the stone to pop up. It's like you're this little mouse and you're trying to get across this bridge thing and there is no way to get around. And I was like working on this level forever, and somehow I almost fell into the lake or something and then this stone popped up. And that's kind of how I relate to it. It's like when you just walk with faith that that light is gonna show like shine, that next step is gonna come, it will. So, you know, to tie it into journey fuel, the reason I built Journey Fuel, the reason that I do what I do now is because I did learn how to make change happen when I was in consulting. And again, going back to the, you know, the universe and our path and like, who knew such a toxic, crazy career, <laugh> could build so many cool things, you know, that I can do to help people with.
Stacy:
I got a lot of skill and experience in a lot of different ways that now I can bring that into what was missing from personal development for so long. And that self-help, you know, industry where we're all on this hunt or a lot of us are on a quest for that missing piece, you know? But there, what I found was there was no way to implement. Like, you'd, you'd listen and it sounds so cool, then you'd have to apply it to your life. And that's where a lot of us can get stuck. So what I do with Journey Fuel is that it's an approach that I would do in consulting and we do in consulting to help take what it is that you want and how do you align that with your own soul, with your own life, with who you are, help you reveal who you are, and then help you implement these things so that that stone starts to kind of appear out of the water. It'll just, until you have this whole path.
Tessa:
Mm. Yes.
Stacy:
So it's being able to break free from what other people are constantly telling you you are. Being able to have that little crack of being able to see something else, that there is more, having the right people around you and, you know, doesn't mean it has to happen overnight. I mean, it took me a long time to see that. So listening to you is a great way to get awareness without having to wait, you know, to try and figure it out yourself, but follow that thread. If you hear something that shifts and pulls on a heart strain, that's, that's your soul talking to you mean like Yep. You're on the right track. Follow that.
Tessa:
Yes. Yeah. I love that. You know, just that feeling that you just stated, the pulling on the heartstring is so essential to listen to, right?
Stacy:
Mm-Hmm. <affirmative> Oh, and to trust.
Tessa:
Mm-Hmm. <affirmative>. Yeah. And who are you trusting?
Stacy:
Right? Trying to trust yourself.
Tessa:
Yes. So that's the journey, right? You have learned to trust yourself and you know, just like the rest of us, occasionally there are, you know, some clinkers in that and it's like, oh wait a second, here it is again. And that, but now you have some mad skills, you've learned a lot, you've integrated a lot, and now you're able to bring it also to other people. And I know you wanted to say something about, before we go, I want you to like give your little feelings thing. Do you wanna share that with your, with the listeners today?
Stacy:
Yeah, absolutely.
Tessa:
Okay, great.
Stacy:
So one of the things that, well, it's a foundation of what I do with anybody who ever does anything with journey fuel. We start with what is the experience of life that you want to have? Which really all that does is come down to feelings. 'cause life is just a collection of feelings. That's it. It's what stuff gives us feelings. People give us feelings. It's how we're relating to life is a feeling. So if you can tap into the feelings that you're having, which I used to shut down. I just knew I didn't want to feel upset. I didn't want to feel mad, I didn't want to feel stuck, but I wasn't thinking about how I wanted to feel instead. And that wasn't one of those, like, mind blowing things for me was, well, how do you wanna feel instead? And I'm like, well that doesn't matter <laugh>.
Stacy:
Like, I just need to do what this person says. Like, I'm not supposed to feel like however I wanna feel. But that's just not the case. So it's like when you have a feeling and you, you're looking for a way to move forward, the easiest, simplest thing that you always have access to is you can tap in and say, okay, how am I feeling right now? How do I wanna feel instead? And if you can start to focus on a feeling that you can move toward, not, I don't wanna be mad, but it would be what, how do I actually wanna feel? I wanna feel loved. That's very different from just not being mad. Very different. So if, and tapping that into that heart string, you know, how would I like to feel right now? And what could I do to get one, you know, one step closer to that, what's one thing you could do that would bring more of that feeling into your life?
Stacy:
And it's like I was saying before, it's just these tiniest, tiniest steps that once it, like, it creates that crack. It starts to bring more and more light until like, it's just kind of, it's like that cool moment in the clouds, you know, where all that light's like pouring through the clouds and like that whole god way. Mm-Hmm. <affirmative>, like, it looks like God coming out of the sky <laugh>. It's, that's kind of what it starts to feel like, is that these rays of light are coming until all of a sudden it's like, well, duh, that's what I was gonna do. Of course that's what I do, <laugh>. But the thing is that anyone can do no matter where you are. And it comes back to awareness. It comes back to if you can't trust yourself yet, that's okay. It's, but trust that there are feelings are your soul knocking on you <laugh>, it's like knocking on your hearts like, Hey, I'm not feeling so hot right now.
Stacy:
Like, can we talk <laugh>?
Tessa:
Exactly. Yes.
Stacy:
You know, and really thinking, you know, instead of, I don't wanna be mad giving yourself an opportunity because no one can criticize you when you're thinking about something in your own head, right? You're all on, you can go all in on you and think, okay, well how do I wanna feel instead? And you don't have to tell anyone if you don't want to, but you know, I wanna feel more loved. Okay, what's one thing I could do to feel more loved? And if the first thing you think about isn't something you can do, okay, well what else can I do? Because there are lots of ways to feel loved. It could be calling a friend instead of, you know, oh, I wanna leave my relationship. Well maybe you're not ready for that. It could be, oh, I wanna call a friend and get a little more love. And then you start to be able to see more things and get more awareness and start to pay more attention to those feelings that it just guides you the whole way. That is your light to get you to wherever you wanna go. And it all comes down to seriously tapping into how do I wanna feel instead? And what's one thing I can do to get closer to that feeling and go from there.
Tessa:
Stacy, you said that so beautifully. I swear I'm just sitting here with like the biggest grin on my face. I feel like a proud mama. Aw, I, you know, the way that you embraced the teachings, you know, everything you learned all your awarenesses and now it's coming through you, it's coming through your soul and your light in your unique expression. And I'm just so happy to have been a mentor on your journey and to still know you and get to play with you in this life and keep creating lives that we love waking up to.
Stacy:
Absolutely. I feel very blessed to have you in my world,
Tessa:
<laugh>. Likewise. Alright, how can people connect with you?
Stacy:
So you can go to journeyfuel.com where that'll always have whatever resources are available at the time. I always have something that's free on there for you guys to be able to get you started. And you can get us an idea of other things that are going on. So journeyfuel.com, and then you can always reach out to us at connect@journeyfuel.com, which is an email address. And on social media, my handle on all platforms is @yourjourneyfuel. So those three ways you can always find a way to get to me.
Tessa:
Fantastic. I definitely wanna encourage everyone to take a moment and go to journeyfuel.com and get Stacy's free journey fuel gift for yourself. I think you really enjoy it. Alright. I would love to be able to keep going longer. Maybe you'll be coming back. I don't know when that can happen, but let's plan on it.
Stacy:
<laugh>. I would always be happy to.
Tessa:
Okay, great. I'll get the team on that. And <laugh>, I am just absolutely thrilled. Just such a joy to know you and to see you in your new life and just see you continuing to blossom. And I really appreciate that you are someone who cares about other people and you are, you're highly motivated, not to achieve, but to share what you know with others and you are creating that ripple. I really appreciate that. And it's just a divine pleasure to know you in this lifetime. Thank you so much for being here.
Stacy:
Thank you, Tessa.
Tessa:
Alright, it's time to say bye-bye for now. May you tap into what you want to feel instead, just like Stacy said, and then ask, how could I do that now? How could I, what's this next thing I could possibly do to feel that? Take a moment right now. If you wanna feel more love, do it. Create that for yourself right now or in the next few minutes. I'm sending you love and I'm so glad you're here listening and I look forward to being with you again next week on Say Yes to Your Soul. Bye-Bye for now.