Addressing Sensuality in Personal Growth with Tazima Parris
Tazima Parris joins host Tessa Lynne Alburn to discuss the importance of prioritizing pleasure for high-achieving people-pleasers. Tazima emphasizes that nurturing oneself and prioritizing pleasure is a feminine superpower. The podcast touches on the importance of addressing sexuality and sensuality in personal growth and development. Increase confidence, improve communications and boundaries.
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Tazima shares her journey of discovering the power of pleasure during a challenging time so she could cope with isolation
Often with high-achieving people-pleasers, a challenge can be in them putting themselves last
Prioritizing pleasure, self-nurturing, and taking care of oneself can enhance productivity and overall well-being
Your sexuality and sensuality are fundamental aspects of personal power and self-discovery
About Tazima Parris:
Tazima is a Sex Coach & Pleasure Mentor for high-achieving people-pleasing women 35+ who overthink, over-give, and end up overwhelmed. She creates space for women to pleasurably prioritize their needs to go from resentful to radiant. Some know Tazima as an Advanced Sex Educator for Grown-Ass Women.
Tazima uses communication tools and practices from her 25+ years of research and experience to help women increase confidence, clearly communicate their needs, and hold better boundaries.
Connect with Tazima
Website: https://www.infiniterelating.com/
If you’d like to hear more of Tazima’s guest episodes, check out her media page too https://www.infiniterelating.com/media
* About the Host *
Tessa Lynne Alburn believes that every woman has the ability to learn to express their true voice, be heard, and fulfill their dreams.
Tessa’s Free Gift: If you want to be freer, happier and more courageous in life, get your free Soulful E-Guide here and Say YES to Your Soul!
As a Feminine Energy Coach and Soul Connection Mentor for women, Tessa supports you in having the freedom you crave and strong connections with others, as you live powerfully with joy and a sense of adventure.
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Transcript
Tessa:
Hello there, ladies, I can hardly wait to have you meet this fabulous woman. Her name is Tazima Parris. First of all, it's just a super cool first name, right? And she is a sex coach and pleasure mentor for high achieving people-pleasing women like you who are 35 plus who overthink, overgive, and end up overwhelmed. She creates space for women to pleasurably, prioritize their needs, to go from resentful to radiant. Tazima uses communication tools and practices for more than 25 plus years of research and her experience to help women increase their confidence, clearly communicate their needs and hold better boundaries. Welcome to Say Yes to Your Soul, Tazima.
Tazima:
Hello. Thank you so much for having me, Tessa. I'm so excited to be here.
Tessa:
I am thrilled for you to be here, and I know you're just gonna spice things up. We were chatting earlier and I'm really excited about some of the things we're gonna talk about today. And so, I wanna hand it over to you just to start bringing them into your world a little bit, Tazima with your soul journey.
Tazima:
Yeah. So, number one, I just, I love, my favorite, favorite ladies on the planet are high achieving people, pleasers, as I said so <laugh>, that it's a very specific blend of herbs and spices, <laugh> in the universe of women. And it is my women and the people that I support are people who like really are good at getting things done and like they might be the top of their field. They're experts. They know how to do things, people can rely on them, especially in their field of expertise, especially around being there for other people.
Tazima:
And the tragedy of that combination of high achieving people pleasers is that they themselves are last on their list. They provide high quality support for other people, but so put themselves last and end up exhausted at the end of the day or at the end of the week, or like, kind of tumbling into the rest that they're supposed to give themselves and they fall asleep in front of their favorite programs. Or, you know, during meditation, <laugh>
Tessa:
Absolutely exhausted. Exactly.
Tazima:
Plum, tuckered out <laugh>. And so I acknowledge these women because I know that we all do get nourishment from supporting others. And if we don't support ourselves, we're actually doing a disservice to those we're attempting to show up for. And what I've discovered for myself and what I teach in my practice is that you nurturing yourself, taking care of yourself, prioritizing pleasure in particular, specifically for women is a
Tazima:
pleasure is a feminine superpower. And you can actually achieve more and get more productive if you prioritize pleasure. I know it does sounds crazy, but I've seen it time and time again. I've used this for myself and it even increases our productivity. It's a fabulous sort of like secret weapon that we can deploy and then we get the benefit of having that experience. And so does everyone else. 'cause like if you're taken care of, I mean, oh my goodness, like <laugh>, you can actually show up without getting exhausted at the end. <laugh>,
Tessa:
That's amazing. And it's like really fun all along the way. <laugh>
Tazima:
Sure is <laugh>.
Tessa:
Okay, so let's take some baby steps here. Sure. So people are like, oh my gosh, what's happening? It's like a lot for me to take in. Let's come back to the superpower in a couple minutes. I wanna hear a little bit like, I know they wanna hear about how, you know, you started to recognize these things for yourself and what were some of the problems that you were having before you broke through to your superpower?
Tazima:
Yeah. So this is, it's such a funny thing and I know that because your audience and the folks that I help are, we're all helpers. We help a lot of people <laugh> and, and I just had to chuckle to myself the day when I said, oh, maybe I should do my own work on myself. Maybe it might help <laugh>. I'm in this debacle. And so, much like many others, and this is only one round, one episode of my journey, but I'll highlight really the moment that I got in touch with prioritizing pleasure. And that was probably about three months into the pandemic. Uh, so...
Tessa:
Oh my goodness.
Tazima:
Yeah. So about three months in, it was probably May, June. And I was really, really frustrated because as a high achiever <laugh>, I was like, I have to pivot my business and blah, blah, blah.
And I was kind of pumping myself up but every day I would be so exhausted and there was just sort of nothing that I could do in the process of like kind of looking at what I had to do. And like, it felt like a mountain of work that I had to accomplish to transition my stuff online. And even though I have been coaching people remotely since way back in 2015, like I was one of the kind of first users of Zoom when people went to Zoom during the pandemic, I was like, yeah, no problem. I've already been doing this for years, no problem. And before that I used to <laugh> <laugh>. I used to have people call into a conference phone line. <laugh>, that's how old school I am <laugh>.
Tessa:
Oh my goodness. You and I have been through some of the same things. I started there as well. Yeah.
Tazima:
Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. And so, yeah, so even though I was coaching people remotely, I was still meeting people in the analog world, literally at meetings, in-person networking. And so when that all went away, I became sort of dejected and sad and depressed about the situation. And I was like, I don't know how I'm gonna do my business. And I feel too overwhelmed to do anything. All the things that I normally would go to that I enjoy that would support me to feel better, those things are not available to me. One of those major, major things was going to the spa. So there's a particular spa that's local to me, and it's, you know, it's one of those reasonably priced spas. Not the super duper fancy, but like, you know, you go there, you pay your 35 bucks and then you know, you have a day or whatever.
Tessa:
Wait a second, we just have to pause. Where is that <laugh>? I need to go where the $35 spas.
Tazima:
<laugh>. Well, if you come to the Chicago land area, you can let me know, any of your listeners as well. Come to the Chicagoland area and then we'll go to Niles and there's a place called King Spa, and it's either 35 or 50 depending on what you get. And then, yeah, we can go and hang out in the hot tub and the <laugh> and the sauna.
Tessa:
Nice. Okay. Now I know where to stop when I'm going.
Tazima:
Yeah, exactly. Come on through, come through <laugh>. So yeah, so I, so that wasn't available to me. And so it was really upsetting and thankfully at that time I actually did have access to a really, really nice bathtub <laugh>. I had a really nice bathtub. And so I'm team hot tub team bath. Not everyone is, some people are freaked out by and that's fine. But for me, immerse me, immerse the Tazima in hot water and everything is fine <laugh>. So I'm like, it's fine. <laugh>, I don't even, whatever's happening. So during this really challenging emotional time, I decided to try and experiment. I'm a scientist by both training and nature. I was always like, curious about how things works. Then I was like, oh, let me figure out what I could do for myself. And so part of it was, what do I like to do?
Tazima:
And then I had to translate those things to things that were a actually available. So yeah, so I like the kink spot. Oh, I'm going to take a bath every day. And so I would purchase my bath salts and like light a incense and a candle and have some tea and like set it up so that like, I'm having a spa experience at my home. And so I did that and four other things every day to just make sure that I could stay functional. 'Cause it was really like, what can I do to get myself out of the bed and eat some food? Like that's, I was on baseline operation. I was like, what can I,
Tessa:
Oh my goodness.
Tazima:
Yeah.
Tessa:
So what really what you're saying is like you were so lit up and happy when you were interacting with people in person.
Tazima:
Yes.
Tessa:
But this sudden like lockdown nonsense, you know, this crazy like isolate yourself, don't go near anybody. Like that really had a profound effect on you.
Tazima:
Huge. Huge. It was really taxing and I felt depleted all the time. And I'm an introvert extrovert, so let's get it clear. Like, I love being on stage. I don't necessarily need to be around people all the time. And in fact, stop talking <laugh> like a lot of times I'm like, you stop with the humans <laugh> for a while, <laugh>. Which is why I can never really live in like kind of dense urban areas. Cause I'm sensitive to having a bunch of people around. So yeah, but being in, being with people and being able to serve and support folks and being on stage, like I love being on stage and teaching and all that kind of stuff. So yeah, not having that was really hurtful. Challenging. Yeah. And then the isolation too. 'cause my ex-husband my husband at the time, but he was working in healthcare and so he was in a hospital all the time when he was working. And so I couldn't even connect with my family because I would put them at risk. So then that was another layer of this isolation.
Tessa:
Oh my goodness. Yes. I can really understand, like for you, someone who's really enjoying that connection with people, to suddenly not be able to really connect with your family, even in the same way your mate, your spouse, I mean, that's tremendous, right? It's a big, big change. So I'm curious, like how did you really soothe? Like what was going on inside? You were using the spa, you were, you know, creating what you could at home, but what was really happening in your inner world?
Tazima:
Yeah, so I wanna make a distinction here before I even explain like what I was doing. When I talk about pleasure or prioritizing pleasure. I used to, many years ago, another lifetime ago, <laugh>, I was a holistic health coach. So I was helping people with food and fitness and, you know, your kale and your yoga and your, you know, go for your walk outside. And I was doing all that. And I used to talk about how you can either eat for the taste buds or you can eat for the entire system. Similarly, so like if you're just eating for your taste buds, you're going eat, especially in America, you're going to eat a bunch of crap <laugh> that like tastes sweet or may have, you know, a bunch of toxins in it or things that your body can't really process, especially for standard American diet.
Tazima:
And so when I talk about pleasure, it's a similar concept. So I talk about like surface level pleasure versus deep nourishing pleasure. Genuine, nourishing pleasure. And so when I say I'm team bath, or I'm team hot tub, that really means like, I really love being in the hot water. I like being hot. Like my system activates when it's 80 degrees. I'm a tropical flower. Like I'm from the tropics. Literally, I was born in the tropics. I'm a tropical being. I love the hot weather and I love being hot. I love when my body is hot. And so for me, that's deeply nourishing mm-hmm. <affirmative> similarly, drinking hot tea, deeply nourishing, doing a meditation, going out for a walk, being out at dawn specifically. Yeah, sunset. So cute. Awesome. But that dawn time moment, the cresting of the sun over the horizon and the newness of the day and the quiet of dawn, those things deeply nourish me being able to look at the sky at any time of day, those are things that are on what I call my pleasure menu.
Tazima:
So anything on my pleasure menu I can go to and say, you know, I know this is gonna be a pick me up. I know it's gonna nourish me deeply. And it's my thing. It's the thing I like to do, not what someone else likes to do, not what someone recommended that I do. So self-care, that's like kind of cut and paste self-care stuff.
Tessa:
Mm-hmm. <affirmative>,
Tazima:
Get the mani-pedi. Like maybe that's not your thing. You know, my sister doesn't like massages, for example. So for her, a massage is not gonna be deeply nourishing. My mom doesn't like baths. <laugh> not gonna be. But for me, those things every day, all day,
Tessa:
I love this. So you already knew what the things were that were gonna deeply nourish you. I'm curious, like once you remembered you wanted to do all that right, cause the normal stuff wasn't available, how did it start to positively impact your business and your relationships with your family?
Tazima:
Yeah, so when I started doing this, what I call is my pleasure practice
Tessa:
mm-hmm. <affirmative>
Tazima:
Or my pleasure practices, when I started doing this, and I started making sure, like, do you have, and I literally time the things like I'm, I'm logging that, okay. I'm starting my prep for the day. So I call my prep for the day, Goddess Prep <laugh>. So when I'm getting ready to take a shower, I'm literally putting on my timer, like I'm doing Goddess Prep now. And then when I'm done like clearing and adorning the goddess <laugh>, then that time is over and then I move into the rest of my day. And so part of what was getting nourished for me was who I actually am in the world, like those things, because I like those things. I'm affirming who I am in the world.
Tazima:
And because the things are nourishing to me, I'm actually self-regulating. So for my psychology nerds out there, <laugh> those who understand this kind of stuff, I'm regulating my system by doing things that I appreciate. I'm validating myself by honoring my idea and then doing it. So when I do, and when I get an inspiration, oh, let me go for a walk. Let me just, I don't have time. Oh, just walk to the water. You know, you love it every time you go over there. Lake Michigan is five blocks from my apartment. And I chose this apartment specifically so that it would be five blocks away. And so that, you know, I've chose the sixth floor so that it's, I can see the sky in a, you know, in a neighborhood full of three story vintage walkups.
Tazima:
And so when I do those things and I get that idea, and then I validate myself and my idea by actually doing that idea, I'll go there, breathe a little bit, listen to the waves, and then come back and then I get to show up more fully as myself because I've already validated myself. And we don't do this when we deprioritize those things, or we put 'em at the end of the day after we're already exhausted and spent, we don't even have the energy to show up for the thing that's gonna nourish us, or what I call our pleasure cup is already so empty that the little sprinkles that you can put back in it <laugh> with your exhausted effort, they don't even really register significantly. So you're already spent and there's nothing to pour out the next day.
Tessa:
I love this. You know, I was just thinking about this yesterday actually. I was working on something and writing some things, and for something that I'm creating, and this is exactly what I was thinking about, like, most women are so deprioritizing themselves that by the end of the day, I sort of think of it like they're just at the point of triage. You know, they're just like, oh, I'll take that bath now. You know? But really it's not filling them up at that point, it's just keeping them from like crashing and burning.
Tazima:
Exactly. And I wanna acknowledge that when I first started this, I was at the crash and burn location <inaudible>, but doing these practices daily and committing to it actually started to slowly fill up what I call the pleasure cup. And so that pleasure cup is now kind of, you know, most of the time it's at least at 70% for me. Every now and then I do get to the brimming space. And, you know, the last couple months were, you know, I've had my challenges, but it's my new standard is I've gotta be at least 70, 80% to be functional. Whereas a lot of women are functional on dregs. And that's, sure you can do it, but it's really tiring.
Tessa:
Well, yes. And you know, from a soul perspective, I'm gonna bring in a little of the sort of the shamanic perspective here. When you're down there in the dregs, you cannot retain all the essences of your soul. Your soul's like something really wrong, right? And it will literally like fragment or splinter, if you will, so into like another dimension so it can stay safe. But then women wind up feeling not like themselves. They don't feel whole. They're like, something's missing, but I'm so vacant now. I don't know what it is. Or they become depressed and or, and then they start to self-medicate and they get on these other cycles that are not healthy. So I love what you're talking about here today, and I wanna highlight for everyone like this, Tazima is a pro at the physical environment, right? And embodiment. And so a lot of what you're hearing is the physical side of things. And I don't want you to overlook that, ladies. I want you to have whatever that percent is that you need in your daily environment because you are not a robot. Thank goodness. You are not ai, you are a human, and you do have touch, you have physical, you have temperature needs, you have movement needs, right? So feel free. Go ahead, Tazima. Go ahead and let 'em have it.
Tazima:
Yeah. Let so I'm just as woo woo as they come. I just don't talk in a soft voice <laugh>. Even when I taught yoga, I was just really like, all right, put your body in this shape. I don't really care what it's called. You don't have to know what it's called. But if you put your body in this shape and you breathe, it's gonna benefit you. And so I start this kind of idea. I wanna lay out this idea before I even get into kind of the importance of our physicality is that being a physically embodied entity in a three-dimensional plane with free will is literally the hottest game in the universe. <laugh>, okay? There are probably other free will planets out there somewhere, like, cool, awesome. But like, we live on this one. And part of the reason why, you know, spiritual folks, seers, feelers, hearers, like whatever your gifts are, the reason that we are the ones who get the messages is that those disembodied entities are trying to get here.
Tazima:
They're trying to make a change here. They're trying to support people who can't hear them on this plane. And so we're the ones with the gifts. So we can show up and say, oh, hey, you know, Susan, your great aunt <laugh>, Tina wants you to know X, Y, and Z. Why does Aunt Tina contact the seer? 'cause 'cause Susan can't. Okay. So it's the hottest game in the universe. This vessel is going to expire. Our time here is limited. And I know that every gifted practitioner, I know that when you feel well, your gifts are radiating, your gifts are more abundant. There's not the scarcity. If you don't feel well or you have anxiety about something, or like the car's not working, or like there's some scarcity, something that's happening. There's probably something you can do in literally in your physical body to support yourself in order to affect the change.
Tazima:
'cause we're the radiant beings. Hello. We're the lightworkers, it's us. So like, use the physical body as the tuning fork to resonate the abundance and the yum that you wanna experience in your life. Don't like shun the physical body. The physical body is awesome. And I'm not, when I talk about pleasure, I am talking about all, I haven't even talked really about sexy pleasure or sexual or sensuality. That's another whole level. And when I talk about the pleasure cup being filled by things that you can do, guess what? When you add sexuality and sensuality to it, it becomes a pleasure tank as a whole. It's a different <laugh> order of magnitude. <laugh>. Okay.
Tazima:
Woohoo.
Tazima:
Yeah. So the body is not the enemy. The body is not a clunky thing that we have here. It's literally our vehicle through this life. And the more that we can take care of our vehicle, whatever our vehicles are, all of the vehicles that we have, the place that we live, the vehicle that we drive that we access or share with others, this physical body that we are embodying, that we're hanging out in, this is our vehicle. How can we take care of it in the best possible way? And I'm not talking about working out or like blah blah, you can do that stuff too, but like, also have fun in it. Like, this is a really fun ride. Like physicality, embodiment is really fun. Like have some fun with it. Like see what it can do. Let it do tricks. Like find out what are the things that are really exciting. <laugh>
Tessa:
Okay. We have to, I have to know a little bit more about that. Like what is a trick that you're willing to share here?
Tazima:
Sure. So, for people who have clitorisis, <laugh>, this is where we're gonna get sexy <laugh> for people who have clitoris.
Tessa:
I love it. I love it. Yes.
Tazima:
Your clitoris only has one job and that's pleasure. And it doesn't stop. Like, there's no limit to the amount of pleasure that your clitoris can have. And I'm not talking about having sex with other people. Some of my best orgasmic experiences have happened on my own in the past couple of years since I left my last ex-husband. I've been married twice, as I say, in my relationship coaching, I got divorced. So you don't have to <laugh>. I know what that's like <laugh>. So if you wanna save your relationship, talk to me. We'll work it out as long as both people wanna be in it. But anyway, so it's only been in recent years, and by the way, I've been studying sexuality for over 25 years. And the clitoris, my sort of education, my beginning education on the clitoris started in 2011. And so like from 2011 to 2020, 21, that 10 year span, I had a certain amount of information.
Tazima:
And then like 2021 through now, I mean, my goodness, the levels of experience that I've been able to access because I didn't stop. So for those listeners who are like, oh yeah, I have orgasms, you know, I, I'm masturbate or I, you know, I've had a good time with my partner. If your partner has a penis, your partner has to stop when they climax. As a person with a clitoris, you don't have to stop when you climax, you can go further and further and further and further and further. And like there's these sort of, I keep thinking of like orders of magnitude or layers of bigness that can occur in the sensation. And I've had sort of body racking experiences, <laugh> that have never really happened with anyone else. And like sometimes it happens with other people, but like, it's something that I discovered for myself in my own pleasure, my own sensual sexual pleasure practice. And with that, and sure, I'm a sexuality professional. So like, part of part of my work is in my, you know, part of what I'm doing is in my job and like <laugh>, I'm doing research <laugh>
Tessa:
Best job ever.
Tazima:
Yeah. So yeah, I'm doing this research to let women know that sex doesn't have to be a chore or it doesn't have to be a tool to get yourself to sleep. It can absolutely be a deeply nourishing, pleasurable thing. And one thing that I like to, one assignment that I like to give to my clients is for them to have an orgasm before breakfast.
Tessa:
Well, that sounds like a pretty good one. I'm gonna add to my list,
Tazima:
Yeah.<laugh>. It's a pretty cool trick. And like, well, what do you do with that? Or like, if you get, if you're proficient at creating an orgasm for yourself, maybe don't climax, maybe build up some sex sexual energy for yourself, and then take that in that extra boost of energy into your day that turn on that like kind of sparkly electric sensation that hasn't crested yet, that you're not exhausted anymore.
Tazima:
Like you're not spent, you're just still tingling with it. It's still running through your system.
Tessa:
Mm-hmm. <affirmative>.
Tazima:
And then like, what could you do with that? Especially as someone who's like a light worker or energy worker. Like what could you do with the potency of sexual energy? And then the one thing I'd like to say about that energy in particular is that it gets a bad rap in this society because misogyny, because patriarchy, because puritanical values that got woven into the fabric of the United States, et cetera, et cetera. Your sexuality. And I'm not talking about like who you like or who you don't like. I don't care about any of that. The sexual energy that exists in our body is literally the reason that we're here. It is the thread that takes us back through all of the generations of our ancestors.
Tazima:
It is literally our signature life force energy. Our whatever shows up in your solar plexus chakra, no doubt. It's the naval, the chakra that is attached to your mother is that solar plexus, your life force, her life force. And then you showing up as an a soul entity came through sex. And so that is the true line of who you are. Sexuality is in your being. Which is why I say, and I assert that women cannot do personal growth or development or therapy and hope to make any significant shifts or changes without talking about sex. You can't do it cause it's so inherent to who we are on a little bit nerdier level. As a developmental developmentally as a young person, as a toddler, our first differentiation as a baby, our first differentiation of, oh, this is me and I'm different and distinct from my mother.
Tazima:
The first time that really happens is when we discover our genitals because there's so many nerve endings, it's so sensational, but it has nothing to do with anybody else. So about two years old, maybe one or two or three, or even in the womb, there's an idea of a self that starts to form in our toddler years and ourself is closely attached to us acknowledging that we have genitals, even if we don't have a word for it, there's a way that we identify with our genitals and like, oh, this is me. And then Yeah, sure. Legs, arms, head, all the, all the other stuff. Yeah.
Tessa:
And there's that piece around the pleasure. It's like maybe one of the very first like sensationally, pleasurable senses that comes alive. Yes. Right. When we're small Yeah.
Tazima:
And when we're small. Yeah. And so because of that close identity of our sex, sexuality, our sensual being and our personal identity, the who we are, how we're showing up in the world, because those are so close. If we have a negative opinion about sex and sexual energy or sensuality or being sexy, if we have a negative opinion of that, that absolutely translates to how we feel about ourselves. Again, this is why I'm sharing, like if you have a, if you're doing personal growth work, but you're not talking about sex, you absolutely are missing a huge aspect of it. You're missing a huge aspect of your personal power if you're not talking about that. And that's what I bring to my clients and, and the people that I support.
Tessa:
Absolutely. And so not only are they missing the personal power, but they often would are gonna have those dust bunny beliefs that are holding them back in other ways as well that are connected to that.
Tazima:
Yeah. Confidence, being able to hold boundaries, knowing what you need and want knowing what's pleasurable to you. 'Cause pleasure and needs are so closely tied. If you know what you like and you prefer, it leads you right into identifying needs right into it. And a lot of women, I ask, what do you need? Oh, I don't know. What are your needs? Oh, I don't have needs, I don't wanna have needs. What? Everyone has needs. Are you kidding me?
Tessa:
That's programming. Yes, for sure.
Tazima:
You don't wanna be needy. And so women will conflate needs and needy, and men do not do this. Men view their needs as urgent as, and important. Women view their needs as problematic and needy. And it's, we need to deprogram that piece. And that's part of what I support women to do as well.
Tessa:
That's fantastic. I think that's a really interesting piece. So, to recognize, you know, how women have been programmed differently and we just think that's how we're supposed to be. Until someone says no, it's actually not.
Tazima:
Yeah. And it's a combination. And this is why it's so sticky. It's a combination of our literally physiological wiring, how we're wired, we're wired to take care of others and put aside our needs so babies don't die.
Tessa:
So you wanna explain that just a little bit?
Tazima:
Yes. So, when we were, you know, on the savannas or in the caves or wherever, when we were natural human beings out in the world, our instincts helped women to take care of babies. We had to subordinate our needs to the need of the baby, the infant who would die if we neglected them.
Tessa:
Yes.
Tazima:
Now we've got babysitters and we, I'm sure we had people in the clan who could have helped us out, but if we literally forget that our baby needs to eat, that baby would die. And so that bloodline runs out. Okay. So child neglect, there was no department of, you know, family services to come.
Tessa:
Child services. Exactly. But, and also in those times, there were also often imminent other dangers they paid attention to.
Tazima:
Exactly. And so we also developed, women developed this like scanning for threats thing, which is why women tend to have more anxiety than men is because we're always look, oh, what's wrong? Because we have to, 'cause if danger shows up, we gotta pick up kid, we gotta pick up supplies, we gotta like sneak. 'cause we're not gonna fight the threat. The dudes are out hunting. So <laugh> so we gotta gather and like...
Tessa:
Slip away. Yes, quickly, quietly.
Tazima:
Yeah. Quickly and stealthily. And so these are talents and skills that we have. And the society exploits those tendencies in us and puts us in these roles current, these genderized roles of like, you're now expected to take care of everything on the home front. And by the way, high achieving <laugh> people, pleaser women will then apply that to every area of their life. And again, repeating that whole system of like I'm last.
Tessa:
Yes. Because that's the validation that they're getting in our society.
Tazima:
Exactly.
Tessa:
And so all right, so we gotta take a breath here 'cause we're coming to the close <laugh>. Wow. So much. And I know there are more topics that we had also. So I may just have to have you back and I want to just say like, this is a key piece, right? Of the feminine rising of women coming into their power. You cannot have political power, well, prosperity, power, et cetera, career power really, until you are more embodied. And you can do that through pleasure in a responsible way of course. Like being responsible for your choices, creating pleasure and that connection to what you were born with.
Tazima:
Absolutely. My keeping people pleasers will know, they will know what those pleasures are. They're not irresponsible people.
Tessa:
Exactly
Tazima:
They're still gonna show up and they're gonna show up in the best possible way. It's a delightful thing to watch and which is why I do my work.
Tessa:
Oh, I love it. I yeah, I bet you get to see some amazing transformations. Oh, it's, yes.
Tazima:
Brings tears to my eye. <laugh>.
Tessa:
Alright. My listeners would love to have a tip or a piece of guidance before we go.
Tazima:
So one thing that I share often is that pleasure is the antidote to resentment. If you're feeling upset about something, complaining about it doesn't really help that much, but go ahead and nourish yourself with something that's actually deeply, personally validating and pleasurable to you. Just do an experiment. Don't take my word for it. I know I've been talking for <laugh>, you know, some time with you, Tessa, about this subject. But like, again, don't take my word for it. Be an experimenter in your world. I have a resource inside of my sex ed refresh starter pack called The Pleasure Cup. And it gives you a guide of like how to choose really nourishing things for yourself and how to prioritize doing five things. And I give a bonus, you know, <laugh> a little bonus assignment to do, you know, do those five things before noon each day and see what happens.
Tazima:
Again, don't take my word for it. Try it for yourself, see what happens. And then inside of that free offer, I also invite people to come talk to me. Come set up some time if you have questions, if you run into issues or problems. But yeah, prioritizing pleasure, pleasure is a feminine superpower. That whole work before pleasure or business or pleasure, that applies to men because they don't have the regulation to stop themselves. But high achieving people-pleasers women who care about other people who wanna take care of others, we're not gonna feed ourselves to excess, not if we're being conscious about it. If we're in pain, yes, we may do that kind of thing, but if you really take the time to find out what do I really like, what would deeply nourish me? And then you do that thing, just try it out. Like I said, don't take my word for it. Be your own, you know, experimenter put the white coat on, find out what happens and then if you have questions, let me know I'm happy to, to support the journey.
Tessa:
Fantastic. And so you're gonna get a link in the show notes Tazimas Pleasure Cup and other nourishing things so you can experiment for yourself and see what actually works for you and your body and your emotional being. And there are other ways to also connect with Tazima. You're on Instagram, right?
Tazima:
Yep. Tazima Parris. p a r r i s t a z i m a. And yeah, Tazima Parris. If you just put that in, like there aren't any other people on there, <laugh>.
Tessa:
Are no other Tazimas. It's very special. Just like you have been listening to this special woman today. And you also have a website called InfiniteRelating.com. And so we will go ahead and put those in the show notes in case you can't remember that, or you're distracted right now because you're so excited about learning about your pleasure levels. All right, Tazima, I'm just so glad you were here. Your vibrancy is amazing. I mean, you're such an embodied person and you're just always full of joy. It's been wonderful to getting to know you even more today. And I just wanna thank you for being here with us.
Tazima:
It's been a pleasure and an honor Tessa. Thank you so much.
Tessa:
You're welcome. All right, everyone, may you enjoy discovering your pleasures and connecting to the whole of you, the soul of you.
Bye-bye for now.